Why women stay despite scandals

Why women stay despite scandals

Jerry and Dottie Sandusky: Why Do Women Stay with Men Through Scandals?

Outside of a small courthouse in Bellefonte, Pennsylvania, Dottie Sandusky, clung to her grinning husband. Wrapped in a tan shawl, her ears dotted with pearls, the wife of Jerry Sandusky, the former Penn State coach accused of sexually abusing multiple minors, let the world know she's still on her husband's side.

"I continue to believe in Jerry's innocence and all the good things he has done," she said in a statement released to press just days before accompanying her husband to a hearing that was waived before his accusers could testify. 

We've seen this before: the high-profile husband-turned-public-enemy, and the wife who won't leave his side. The image of Silda Wall Spitzer, standing puffy-eyed behind her husband as he resigns as New York governor, is as memorable as the phrase "Client 9". Photos of Huma Abedin holding hands with Anthony Weiner, after his Twitter indiscretions made almost as many headlines as her husband's salacious Twitpics. 

In public scandals, the question of "why would he do that?" quickly turns into "why would she stay?" 

It's not a question easily answered. "I don't know why," said Ruth Madoff in an interview with 60 Minutes about why she stuck beside her Ponzi-mastermind husband for so long. "I didn't know what else to do but stay there." 

The initial shock of allegations of a partner's secret life, can be paralyzing, especially if those allegations pan out. "If [the couple] has children and they've had a relationship for a long time, then how do you walk away from it if you really care about the person?" communications expert Gemma Puglisi told ABC news after Spitzer's scandal. "A lot of women criticized Hillary [Clinton] when she didn't say something, but in the long haul these women feel that it's what's best for the family and them and the husband in the relationship." 

Political wives who stay with their scandalized husbands take more into account than just their marriage. Public perception, family reputation and future career opportunities all factor into the decision to stick with a man who's betrayed his vows and his constituents. It's called "The Good Wife syndrome" and it's become so ingrained in our culture, there's a hit show about it. 

In the past few years, as politicians go down, scandal by scandal, the wives are there to hold their men up more often than not. In 2007, Suzanne Craig insisted she believed her husband, Senator Larry Craig, after he was accused of soliciting sex from a cop. That same year, Louisiana Senator David Vitter was implicated in a prostitution ring. After his wife stood by him and publicly forgave him, it wasn't long before he was back in office. 

But Jerry Sandusky isn't a politician and his alleged crime isn't simply cheating on his wife. He's facing over 50 counts relating to molestation of minors, many of whom he mentored in his at-risk youth program he co-founded with his wife. In a grand jury report, one of Sandusky's alleged victims implicates Dottie, claiming she ignored his pleas for help. 

For Dottie, the accusations don't just undermine her marriage, they question her judgment as a mother and care-giver. Her mentoring organization which she established with her husband has been called into question, her values are under suspicion and her own grandchildren have been barred from seeing her husband. Those reasons alone would be grounds for taking a break from her marriage. But Dottie has made clear she believes in Jerry Sandusky's innocence, even if the rest of the world doesn't. 

To be sure, Sandusky has denied committing any crimes, and the full facts of the case are not yet known. But if the many detailed accusations against him are accurate, it's hard to imagine how their marriage could continue.

Up until last month, Dottie was accustomed to a different kind of press coverage. When her husband retired from his coaching duties at Penn State in 1999, Sports Illustrated called him a "respected" leader worthy of a "standing ovation." Her efforts helping at-risk youth and serving as a doting adoptive mother were also credited in the piece. In their more than four-decade-long marriage that began at a picnic in 1965, Dottie has always been a part of her husband's public persona and until recently that was something of an achievement. Now she's found herself not only defending her marriage, but her own morals. It's a fast fall from grace, and one she may not have entirely grasped.

"The wife is almost always as shocked at everyone else in the community," Esther Deblinger, co-director of a Child Abuse education program told New Jersey's Star-Ledger. "Abusers fool people within their family. It's a highly secretive activity." 

But is Dottie just a product of manipulation? Or a woman hoping to keep her fractured identity in tact? Or is there some other explanation that has yet to come to light? In Jerry Sandusky's memoir, he describes his partner as the family's "leader." He writes of their adoptive brood: "I became another kid for her to supervise as well." As the wife of a celebrated coach and mentor, Dottie was used to being cheered on as the woman behind the man. Perhaps she doesn't know how to give that role up.

 Why women stay despite scandals